a) Approach the discussion with the attitude of, "I don't have to win this argument and I don't have to be the one who is right."
b) Make the truth about yourself with respect to the issues and whatever is best for everyone concerned of paramount importance. Take the stance of committing yourselves to following these principles above anything that your feel or fear or desire.
c) Humble yourself enough to listen and learn from the person with whom you are in conflict. If you hear a good idea coming from the other person, then validate it!
2. The first person talks:
Don't try to cover every aspect of the issue in one communication.
Don't try to do a "sales job" on the other person
Do give reasons why you believe that your ideas or opinions would be the best choice for everyone affected by them
a) The longer you talk, the more complicated the discussion becomes. When many issues are raised at the same time, it can become confusing and overwhelming for the other person to choose which issues to respond to.
b) Also the longer you talk without a chance to hear from the other person when in conflict, the more likely your are to hit sensitive issues and stir up hurt, resentment, etc.
a) Try to pay mroe attention to what the other person is saying rather than to what you are going to say in rebuttal.
b) Try to hear not only the words but the heart attitudes of the person talking
4. The second person talks:
a) The first response should be questions or statements to clarify what you heard, just to be sure you understand correctly before responding.
b) The next step is to state the things that you can agree with that the first person has said and why you agree with them.
c) Only after these two steps is it okay to give your contrasting or opposing views and the reason for them When giving your opposing views, be sure to follow all the guidelines listed in #2 above.
a) Continue the four steps above, going back and forth while maintaining the proper attitude. Give time to the process even though it may be tense and seem tedious.
b) DO NOT agree to decisions or conclusions that you don't really believe in just ot end the conflict, to make the other person feel better, or to try to prevent anger. You must continue talking respectfully and listening until both (or all involved) can come to the the place where each can honestly say, "I can live with that," or "I think that would be the best choice for all of us."
c) Honor your agreements by keeping them until or if a new agreement is made.
d) If you do this process well and still cannot come to a consensus, you may need a third party mediator or there may be individual issues that need attention first.
For more great tools and anointing for breakthrough and a strong marriage attend or host a Love After Marriage Workshop or other marriage event with the Calvas!